Funny Female Bashing Women Jokes!

Short Women Jokes

Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
A. The dishes if she knows what's good for her

Q: What's a dog turd and a woman got in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Q: Why haven't they sent any women to the moon?
A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick, it doesn't follow you around for two weeks.

Q: How is a woman like an airplane?
A: Both have cockpits.

Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: A $100 bill.

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for ?
A: Its Braille for "suck here".

Q: What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A: You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
A: The back of my hand.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a woman with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you say to a woman with a black eye?
A: Nothing, she's already been told once.

Q: What's the smartest thing to come out of a womans mouth?
A: Einsteins Dick

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet that on your dick.

Q: Why do men die before their wives ?
A: They want to.

Q: What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?
A: You can't unscrew a pregnant lady!

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: Marry her.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because they think men care.

Q: Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%
A: Wedding cake.

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job ?
A: After 5 years your job will still suck.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a women?
A: Because, a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

Q: How is a woman like a laxative ?
A: They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q: Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them.

Q: What's the best thing about a blow job?
A: Ten minutes of silence

Q: Why do women talk so much?
A: Because they have two sets of lips.

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?

Q: why do women not need a drivers license?
A: because there is no road from the kitchen to the bedroom.

Q: Why does every man need a woman?
A: Because the dishes would get to piled up without one.

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is riding her.

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she was a woman.

Q: What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow.

Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.