Short Gross Sick Nasty Offensive Jokes

Short Sick & Nasty Jokes

WARNING: These jokes are not for the faint of heart. Very gross and disturbing jokes!

Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust

Q: What did the blind, deaf and dumb baby get for Christmas?
A: Cancer

Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded

Q: How does an ethiopian woman know when she's pregnant?
A: When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten.

Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork

Q: What's the difference between regular blood and period blood?
A: You can eat period blood with a fork.

Q: How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
A: The hotdogs all taste like shit!

Q: What does a 70yr old snatch smell like?
A: depends

Q: Whats red and smells of holly?
A: Ian Huntley's cock

Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

Q: How can you tell if you have really bad acne?
A: If the blind can read your face.

Q: Whats the difference between Caylee Anthony and Caylee jokes?

A: Caylee Anthony jokes will get old

Q: What is the height of laziness?
A: A couple adopting a child.

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: Widow

Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."

Q: What are the first symptoms of Aids?
A: A pounding sensation in the ass.

Q: Whats the best thing about having sex with a 7 yr old?
A: Watching him break down in the witness stand.

Q: Whats small, brown, and spits?
A: Baby in a frying pan

Q: What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head?
A: Partially disabled.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.

Q: What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walken

Q: What's blue and fucks old ladies?
A: Hypothermia.

Q: What do you call a female clown?
A: A Clunt

Q: Whats pink & sticks to a womans leg?
A: A homesick abortion.

Q: What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a pool?
A: Vegetable soup

Q: Why does Santa have such a big sack?
A: Cos he only comes once a year.

Q: Why does hellen keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She needs the other one to moan.

Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
A: Inserting the anchovies.

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Me in my lucky blue suit.

Q: What's black and blue and scared of you?
A: 8 year old in your closet.

Q: Why did the girl keep falling off the swing?
A: Because she had no arms.

Q: What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
A: An epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits.

Q: What's the coolest thing about fucking forty five year olds?
A: There's 40 of them!

Q: What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A: A navel.

Q: What has two legs and bleeds profusely?
A: Half a cat.

Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A: Give it a blowjob

Q: What's the difference between a terrorist and a cannon ball?
A: You can’t pick up a cannon ball with a pitch fork.

Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhea

Q: Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
A: Because he was looking for Pooh

Q: What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A: An elephant with diarrhea

Q: What's worse than ten dead babies in a barrel?
A: One dead baby in ten barrels.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q: What's worse than a truck load of dead terrorist?
A: One that’s alive in the middle of the pile eating his way out.

Q: What's the best thing about eating bald pussy?
A: Pulling up the diaper when you're done.

Q: What do you call a cow masturbating?
A: Beef strokin' off.

Q: What is the cheapest meat?
A: Deer balls, they're under a buck.

Q: Did you hear Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles recently had an argument?
A: They didn't see eye to eye

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: "How do you breath through something so small?"

Q: What's worse than Michael Jackson babysitting your kids?
A: Ian Huntley giving them a bath

Q: What's the biggest cause of pedophilia in this country?
A: Sexy Kids

Q: How do you know when you are getting old?
A: When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q: What two people were shot in a theater?
A: Abraham Lincoln, and the guy sitting in front of Pee Wee Herman.

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in an apple?
A: Rape

Q: What do you call an epileptic in a wheelchair?
A: A transformer

Q: How do you get holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: Why is it easy to filet a fly?
A: Because all you have to do is unzip it and the bone pops right out.

Q: Whats Black And Has 27 Tits?
A: A Bin Liner From The Cancer Ward.

Q: What would horrify you about biting into a tomato?
A: Finding out it was yesterday's abortion

Q: What do elephants use as tampons?
A: Sheep

Q: What's up an Ethiopians Ass?
A: Spoon marks

Q: Why do pedophiles love Halloween?
A: Free delivery.

Q: What is red and green and goes 160MPH?
A: A frog in a blender

Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
A: You cant fuck a rock

Q: Why did Spock look in the toilet?
A: To see the captain's log.

Q: What do you get when you cross a sneeze and a punchline?
A: A sick jokes.

Q: How did captin hook die?
A: He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!

Q: Whats the difference between a jew and Pizza?
A: A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in a oven!

Q: What's blonde, has six legs and runs through Michael Jackson's dreams?
A: Hanson

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he's standing next to your wife saying how nice her hair smells.

Q: Whats 12 inches long and makes a woman scream all night?"
A: Cot death.

Q: Did you hear the result from African Nations Cup.
A: Togo Eight, Ethiopia Didn't.

Q: What do you do when your washing machine breaks down?
A: Kick her in the tits

Q: What does a pedophile use a as lubricant?
A: Tears

Q: How do you know when your sister's on her rags?
A: Because your dad's dick tastes funny.