Funny Male Bashing Men Jokes!

Short Men Jokes

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Q: What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A: A tourist.

Q: What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A: Castrated.

Q: What is the difference between a husband and a boy friend?
A: Forty-five minutes.

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: What does a guy and a car have in common?
A: They both have the ability to misfire.

Q: How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
A: All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster and a male insomniac?
A: A cock that stays up all night.

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

Q: What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A: A man's undivided attention.

Q: How can you tell if a man is aroused?
A: He's breathing.

Q: What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
A: They are all married.

Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?
A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks.

Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started and don't work half the time.

Q: How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A: Because they already have boyfriends.

Q: Why do men like love at first sight?
A: It saves them a lot of time.

Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Q: Why do men like masturbation?
A: Its sex with someone they love.

Q: What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
A: E.T. phoned home.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A: So men can be open minded.

Q: When do you care for a man's company?
A: When he owns it.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: "What men know about women."

Q: How are boyfriends like cockroaches?
A: They hang around the kitchen and it's hard to get rid of them.

Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.

Q: Why don't men have mid-life crises?
A: They stay stuck in adolescence.

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: How is a man like a used car?
A: Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable.

Q: What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no Intention of driving.

Q: Why does a man prefer blondes?
A: Men always like intellectual company.

Q: Why does a man like love at first sight?
A: It saves them a lot of time.

Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They don't stop and ask for directions.

Q: What food best describes most men?
A: Jerky.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A: Any place without a drive-up window.

Q: Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
A: To keep them from grazing.

Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: The bonds mature.

Q: Why are men like trains?
A: They always stop before you get off.

Q: What do men and floor tiles have in common
A: Lay them properly the first time and you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps most men out of college?
A: High School.

Q: What does a man say when he watches his wife change a diaper? A: I could have done that. Q: What's the smartest thing a man can say? A: "My wife says..." Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.

Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the shit out of you.

Q: How do most men define marriage?
A: A very expensive way to get your laundry done.

Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex.

Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: A woman to show him how to work it.

Q: Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
A: So men can tell if they are coming or going.

Q: Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A: Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between His toes.

Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between His toes.

Q: What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A: A power failure.

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: Because they don’t like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Q: Difference between man and pigs
A: a pig dosent turn into a man when hes drunk.

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