2 Blonde Genies After coming upon a bottle on the beach and rubbing it, two blonde genies appear. Allowing the man to make three wishes for releasing them from the bottle. He makes his three wishes and suddenly finds himself in a beautiful mansion with money scattered all over the floor, and beautiful naked women everywhere. Suddenly a knock at the door... and after opening it there stands six Klu Klux Klansmen, they grab him, tie a noose around his head, and hang him outside the bedroom window. Walking away the two genies are shaking their heads. One genie says to the other, I could understand him wanting all that wealth and I could understand him wanting all of those beautiful naked women, but I just couldn't understand why he would want to be hung like a black man. 51 Days A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children's jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. "The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!" Abraham Lincoln A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!" Alligator Shoes A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Shit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" At The Pearly Gates - 
Two blondes were waiting at the Pearly Gates and struck up a conversation. First blonde says "How did you die?" Second says "I froze to death". First blonde says "Must have been awful." Second blonde says "How did you die?" First blonde says "I had a heart attack, I knew my husband was being unfaithful so I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed to the bedroom and found my husband alone reading. I rushed tothe basement and nobody was hiding there, I rushed to the attic and still no one, and after all that rushing around I had a heart attack and died." Second blonde says, "If only you'd looked in the freezer we'd both still be alive." Blonde Bar A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." Blonde Cousin A redhead lived on a ranch. She had a blonde cousin not too far away who was supposed to be coming to pick up a bull that day. The blonde had told her to telegram her when she was ready for the bull to be picked up. At the telegram office, the redhead asked how much it was and the man said $1 a word. The redhead only had $1 so she tried to think of a word that the blonde would understand to mean come and fetch the bull. Finally, she typed the word Comfortable and told the man: ''She's blonde, she'll read it slow.'' COM - FOR - DA - BUL Blonde Detectives A policeman interrogates three blondes who are training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well, uh, that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmm - the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspects file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I cant believe it. It's true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear." Blonde Gets Pulled Over There's this blonde girl driving a convertible sports car a little too fast down the highway when she gets pulled over by a police car. Who should step out of the police car but a female, blonde cop. The cop walks up to the blonde in the sports car and says "Hi. I noticed you were going a little fast back there. Can I see your driver's license?" The blonde grabs her purse and rummages around for a minute and then looks at the cop and says "um, what does it look like?" The cop says "It's a little square thing and it has your picture on it." The blonde looks back in her purse and spots a little square compact mirror. She pulls it out and looks at it. Sure enough, right there in the middle is her face. She hands it to the police officer. The cop takes a look at it and immediately hands it back. "Oh, you're free to go. I didn't know you were a cop." Blonde Paint This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said.... FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS. Blonde School Day One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear." Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!" The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear." The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five." Breast Stroke A blonde, brunette, and redhead were standing on the edge of the pool ready for the 100 yard breast stroke race... The starter shot the pistol and the three dove into the water and began swimming. A few minutes later, the brunette finished and jumped out of the water. Then the redhead. About twenty minutes later, the blonde emerged. They awarded the gold to the brunette, the silver to the redhead, and the bronze to the blonde. As they placed the medal around her neck, the blonde whispered, " I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think the other two used their arms." Civics Lesson In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old. A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?" Daughters Purse -
One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses. So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes." So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks." So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a penis." Dent Repair A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.." Ear Ache One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor askes her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what about the other." "The bastard called again" Final Exam A blonde reports for her university final exam. The exam consists mainly of true or false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin. She marks the answer sheet 'true' for heads and 'false' for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously. During the next few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening. "I finished the exam," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers." Genie and a Blonde -
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' "Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!'' Hanging Blonde A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself. A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists. "What are you doing." they ask her. So she replies "Hanging myself." The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck." The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath." Helicopter Training -
One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how to fly a plane. The guy at the airport said there were no more plane flying lessons this year but she could take helicopter lessons. The blonde agreed and the man taught her and said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet you go in the air." The blonde agreed. He jumped in and took off. At 1000 feet, she radioed him and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, she radioed him and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great. But right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped and she started twirling to the ground. When she landed, he went over to pull her out of the helicopter. He asked her what went wrong because she was doing perfect before. The blonde said, ''At 2500 feet, I started to get cold so I turned the big fan off.'' Ice Fishing A blonde decides she needs a new hobby for the winter season. She goes to the bookstore and buys every book she can find on ice fishing. For weeks she reads and studies, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decides the time has come for her first ice fishing expedition. She thoughtfully gathers and packs all the tools and equipment she might need for the excursion. When she gets to the ice, she finds a quiet little area and places her padded stool. Carefully, she lays out her tools. Just as she is about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellows, "There are no fish under the ice!!!" Startled, the blonde grabs up her belongings and moves further along the ice. She pours some hot chocolate from her thermos and starts to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellows, "There are no fish under the ice!!!" Amazed, the blonde isn't sure what to do. This certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. She packs up her gear and moves to the far side of the ice. She takes a few moments to regain her composure, then, just as she is about to cut a new hole, the voice booms again: "There are no fish under the ice!!!" Petrified, the blonde looks skyward and asks, "Is that You, Lord?" "NO," the voice booms back, "THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!" In The Circle A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circle and not move. He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this." He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" The truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle 4 times." Internet Cafe A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America. She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?" The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya" And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum" The guy says: "In that case follow me" So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!" So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?" Julie Paints Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked. "Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied. About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door."I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?" "Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. "Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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| Long Jokes |
| Animal Jokes |
| Bar Jokes |
| Blonde Jokes |
| Dirty Jokes |
| Little Johnny Jokes |
| Marriage Jokes |
| Medical Jokes |
| Old Age Jokes |
| Political Jokes |
| Redneck Jokes |
| Yo Mama Jokes |
| Yo Mama Is Like |
| Yo Mama So Dark |
| Yo Mama So Fat |
| Yo Mama So Hairy |
| Yo Mama So Old |
| Yo Mama So Poor |
| Yo Mama So Short |
| Yo Mama So Skinny |
| Yo Mama So Stupid |
| Yo Mama So Tall |
| Yo Mama So Ugly |
