Funny Short Doctor Jokes

Short Doctor Jokes

Q: How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
A: You are fine. How am I?

Q: What did the doctor say to the ghost?
A: I have a boo boo

Did you hear about the call girl that had to get her appendix out?
The doctor sewed up the wrong hole and now she's making money on the side.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!

Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work?
A: In case they have to draw blood.

Q: How is a hospital gown like insurance?
A: You're never covered as much as you think you are.

Q: What advice don't you want to hear from a doctor before an operation?
A: Whatever you do, don't go into the light.

Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
A: If you aim it well enough.

Q: Why can't skeletons play music in church?
A: Because they've got no organs.

Q: What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
A: Saturday Night Fever.

Q: What did the blonde ask the doctor after he told her she was pregnant?
A: Is it mine?

Q: Why did the pilot go to the psychologist?
A: He thought he was plane crazy.

Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!

Q: What did the patient say to the annoying doctor during Liposuction surgery?
A: Doc, you're really starting to get under my skin!!

Did you hear about the two podiatrists who opened their offices on the same street?
They were arch enemies.

What do you call a Florida gynecologist?
A spreader of old wives' tails.

Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
They have shaky hands!

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.

Q: Why did the proctologist use two fingers?
A: In case the patient wanted a second opinion.

Q. Why did the blonde nurse tip-toe past the medical cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake-up the sleeping pills

Q: Why did you take the doctor's sweater?
A: Well, he asked me to take something for my cold.

Q: Why did the duck go to the doctor's office?
A: He was looking for a quack.

Q: How many veterinarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!

Q: Did you hear that researchers have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary?
A: It runs in your jeans.

Q: Do you know why nurses make the worst lovers?
A: Because they’re taught to wait until the swelling goes down.

Q: What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?
A: A dry doc.

Q: Why did the guru refuse Novocaine when he went to his dentist?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!

Q: Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle?
A: I see your point!

Q: Why do Doctors always seem to know exactly what is wrong with you?
A: They have a sick sense.

Q: Why did the nurse have a long pole and two rubber gloves?
A: Her way of not getting pregnant.

Q: Did you hear about the three men that hijacked a truck full of Viagra?
A: The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it, but they can't eat it!

Q: Why did the doctor learn art?
A: IN order to learn how to draw blood.

Q: What is a double-blind study?
A: Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.

Q: What is the politically correct way of defining a dead person. A: He is electroencephalographically challenged.

Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!

Q: What's do you call two ITU nurses holding hands?
A: A synapse.

Q: Why did the nurse have a long pole and two rubber gloves?
A: Her way of not getting pregnant.

Q: What do you call a nurse with a brain?
A: Pregnant.

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: What Do You Get If You Cross A Pychiatrist And A Patient?
A: Two People Talking Shit!

Q: What did on tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: "Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out!"

Q: How do you hide a $5 bill from a General Surgeon?
A: Hide it in the Patient's Notes.

Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.

Q: What do you call 2 orthopaedic surgeons reading an ECG?
A: A double blind trial.