Funny Adult Dirty Sex Jokes

Short Dirty Jokes

Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.

Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A: Mega-saur-ass

Q: What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A: A love call.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis

Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

Q: How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A: Very satisfying.

Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: Boobies

Q: What did the penis say to the condom?
A: Cover me im going in!

Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave
A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat

Q: What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A: One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt.

Q: What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

Q: What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!

Q: Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
A: He was half nuts!!!

Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: Dicktator

Q: Did you hear about the gay truckers?
A: They exchanged loads.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.

Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: What do you call an afghan virgin
A: Never bin laid on

Q: What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Q: Why don't witches wear panties when flying?
A: To get a better grip on the broomstick.

Q: How did the Pillsbury Dough boy die?
A: Yeast Infection.

Q: Whats the difference between acne and a priest?
A: Acne waits until you're 14 to cum on you're face

Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A: He came home shit faced.

Q: Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer?
A: The microwave, the other two leak when they're fucked!

Q: What do you call ball's on your chin?
A: A dick in your mouth!

Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
A: The grass tickles their balls

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A: An itchy cock.

Q: How are math and sex the same?
A: I don't get either one.

Q: What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A: I feel like a kid again!

Q: What do a Turtle and a Pedophile have in common?
A: They both want to get there before the 'hair' does.

Q: What's worse than spiders on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q: What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A: A fruit stand!

Q: How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Q: What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts. Q: What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A: Two test tickles

Q: Why did God create alcohol?
A: So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q: What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head?
A: Partially disabled.

Q: How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?
A: When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you ..up the arrse with her clitoris.

Q: What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
. A: Fucks funny!.

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her.

Q: Why do female paratroopers wear jockstraps?
A: So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q: What's the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
A: You can drop her off where ever you want!

Q: What do you call a two hundred foot rubber?
A: A condominium

Q: What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A: Blow job: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q: What's the definition of eternity?
A: The time between when you cum and she leaves.

Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.

Q: How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper.

Q: What do Lifesavers do that a man can't?
A: Come in eight flavors.

Q: Why don't old ladies ever have sex?
A: Ever try to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Q: What is the difference between a young prostitute and an old prostitute?
A: One uses vaseline, the other uses polygrip.

Q: What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A: We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

Q: What's the difference between a girl and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you drop a load in it.

Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

Q: What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q: What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?
A: Hair balls

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? A: He heard the snow blower coming.

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