Short Celebrity Jokes

Short Celebrity Jokes

(Barack Obama)
Q: The president is on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
A: The Country!!

Q: What does Obama call illegal aliens?
A: Undocumented democrats.

Q: What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A: They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

Q: Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A: He thought Barry sounded too American.

Q: Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A: It shows that he didn't have a virgin birth.

Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Barack Obama

Q: Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A: Because Carter doesn't want to be the worst President in history.

(Bill Clinton)
Q: What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.

Q: What does Bill Clinton and a country folk dancer have in common?
A: They both throw a ho down.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy?
A: He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"

Q: Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
A: He was too busy playing the hormonicA:

Q: Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?
A: She didn't keep her mouth shut!

Q: What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A: The pool table in the oval office.

Q: Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A: The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

(Charlie Sheen
Q: How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
A: Enough to kill 2 and a half men!

(Clay Aiken
Q: Why is Clay Aiken so pale?
A: Because there isn't any light in the closet.

(Courtney Love
Q: What's the difference between Sidney Crosby and Courtney Love? A: Sidney Crosby showers after 3 periods (Dale Earnhardt)
Q: What does Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?
A: Their last hit was the Wall.

(Ellen Degeneris)
Q: What does Ellen DeGeneris cook for dinner every night?
A: She doesn't, she eats out!

(Elton John)
Q: What do Liberachi and Elton John have in common?
A: They're both great on the piano, but they suck on the organ.

(George Michael)
Q: What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?
A: A microwave stops when you open the door.

Q: What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A: George Michael's latest release.

(Helen Keller)
Q. How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?
A. By rearranging the living-room furniture.

Q: What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
A: She screamed her hands off.

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.

Q: What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?
A: Washed her hands with soap.

(Hugh Grant)
Q: What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
A: Hugh Grant.

(John F. Kennedy JFK)
Q: What did JFK miss most about the Martha's Vineyard ?
A: The runway

(Justin Bieber)
Q: What does Justin Bieber and the New Years crowd at Time Square have in common?
A: They're both waiting for balls to drop!

Q: How hard is puberty going to hit Justin Bieber?
A: Harder then Chris Brown hitting Rihanna!

Q: What does Justin Biebers asshole and his mouth have in common?
A: They both produce the same shit!

Q: If Eminem is the King of Rap, what is Justin Bieber?
A: The Queen of Crap!

(Kurt Cobain)
Q: What color are Kurt Cobain's eyes?
A: Blue! One blew this way and one blew that way.

Q: How does Kurt Cobain collect his thoughts?
A: With a squeegee.

Q: What has two heads and six legs?
A: Nirvana

(Lady Gaga)
Q: How does Lady Gaga like her steak?
A: Raw Raw.. Raw! Raw! Raw!

Q: How do you get Lady Gaga's attention?
A: Poke Her Face

Q: Why did the fat cow cross the road?
A: It didn't want to become Lady Gaga's new dress!

Q: Why did Lady Gaga win so many music awards?
A: She was eligible for both the male and female awards.

Q: What's the difference between Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga?
A: Lady Gaga has balls!

Q: How do you make Lady Gaga Happy?
A: Just Dance!

(Magic Johnson)
Q: Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?
A: Everyone would be afraid to lick it.

(Michael Jackson)
Q: How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalog

Q: What does Michael Jackson and a Nintendo have in common?
A: They are both made of plastic and kids turn them on.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
A: Both get turned on by kids!!!

Q: Why did Michael Jackson go to K Mart?
A: He heard they had small boys pants half off.

Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!

Q: What's Micheal Jackson's Chinese name?
A: Melikeemyoung.

Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room?
A: He was choking on a small bone!

Q: What's 6 + 46 + 5?
A: A threesome with Michael Jackson.

Q: Who's Michael Jackson's favorite poet?
A: Emily Dick in son.

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.

Q: What does Wal-Mart, Zellers and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: Boy's underwear half off.

Q: What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns.

Q: How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?
A: When the big hand is on the little hand.

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
A: One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag.

Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A: There's a big wheel parked outside his house.

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A: He thought it was a delivery service.

Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.

Q: Why did Michael Jackson get kicked out of the school cafeteria?
A: Because he ate all the kids' wieners.

(Mike Tyson)
Q: How come Mike Tyson's eye's water during sex?
A: Mace

(Monica Lewinsky)
Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence

(OJ Simpson)
Q: What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson?
A: Christopher Reeves got the electric chair....and O.J walked!

(Princess Diana)
Q: Did you hear Princess Diana was on the radio?
A: And the dashboard, and the steering wheel, and the windshield.....

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg Carry An Umbrella??
A: Fo' Drizzle

Q: What does snoop dogg eat for dinner?
A: spa-GHETTO!!!

(Yoko Ono)
Q: What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A: They both live off dead Beatles.